


The one where Seb’s heart and brain have an argument.

by SuperAnarchy



Category: Actor RPF, Marvel Cinematic Universe RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-21
Updated: 2014-10-21
Packaged: 2018-02-22 02:49:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,239
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2491700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SuperAnarchy/pseuds/SuperAnarchy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sebastian can't make up his mind.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The one where Seb’s heart and brain have an argument.

**Author's Note:**

> Obviously, it's fictional, I don't pretend to tell a truth.  
> Please be gentle with me, that's the first time I post on Ao3, you can also find me on [tumblr!](http://superanarchy.tumblr.com/)  
> 

First it had been seconds, then minutes, hours, days, weeks. It’s now months since they have been with each others. Months since they saw each others, tasted, kissed, cuddled, touched, and  _talked_  to each other. It’s nobody’s fault, but at the same it’s both their fault. It was awkward but it was not, it was so right but it felt wrong. That night back then, that memory, it tears his stomach apart. 

They were so close for months and then nothing. After that void where he thought he might become numb there was a light in his life, there was the Captain America: The Winter Soldier’s premiere, and its night. A stolen moment as a reminder of all the other stolen ones. That quick kiss in the wardrobe. That first time in Chris’s trailer. The first kiss in his after a long day of work. All of those moments they’re his, they belongs to him, no one can take them away. No one knows their existence anyway, only them.

 And it’s now the emptiness again. Nothing. Not a text, not a mail, not a phone call, not a surprise boyfriend visit either. Why would that even happen he wonders, they’re not boyfriends. What are they anyway? Sex friends? Fuck buddies? No, it’s more than that. He hopes it’s more than that. For him it’s more.

 But it’s complicated. You can’t just go “Hey buddy, I think I’m in love with you.” That’s not how it works. He doesn’t have much self-confidence. He doesn’t have an I-don’t-care-if-I-lose-him-and-if-it-gets-awkward-after assurance. He doesn’t want to lose him, to hurt him, to put him in an undesired position. But the fact is, he really thinks he might be in love with him.

 It’s not good to think about all of that again and again, it’s too late or maybe too early for that. Damn. He didn’t sleep again. He takes his phone and randomly start typing on the Internet “Chris…” He doesn’t know if it’s because he’s a celebrity or because he typed it way too much, but Google shows his name before he finishes typing it.

Chris is apparently in NYC, and so is he. He’s not that far from him, they’re in the same city. For once.

That’s when the battle starts between his brain and his heart. “Call him,” screams his heart. “He doesn’t care about you. Don’t fool yourself,” answers his brain.” Fuck you both,” his mouth finally says. But his heart doesn’t quiet himself and starts beating fast when he sees a picture of him. Damn Henleys. “Do you even wear anything else?” he questions. “Because you shouldn’t wear anything else…” he thinks.

“CALL HIM.” shouts his heart once again “You want to see him. You need it. What’s wrong with calling him? He’s still your friend. It’s an innocent call.”

“Unless it’s not,” interrupts his head again. “You’re gonna hurt yourself. There is nothing between you two, nor there ever will be. And if even by any chance, it happened that he’d like you back, then what? You do your coming out? Tell the media? Will he? Will he take it that far?”

“You’ll never know if you don’t try,” sighs his heart.

“But it probably hurts less to not try,” replies his reason.

Fine. He chooses to make a compromise: a text message, an innocent one. What could go wrong with that? He starts typing on his phone, ignoring the loud voice yelling that he’s a moron. Great, now he’s insulting himself.

**Hey! I heard you’re in NYC right now, well I am too. Do you wanna share a lunch or something?**

And now starts the most stressful minutes of his life, he forgot it was so early. He hopes he didn’t wake him up. Knowing the guy, he was probably still not asleep and having a great time at a bar or with someone.  _Someone that isn’t him_.

His death penalty stops after only a half hour, with the song of his ringtone breaking the heavy silence in his flat.

**Sure! I’m busy this noon tho (stuck with a stupid lunch with some producers) but I’m free tonight if that’s okay for you?**

Yes. YES IT’S OKAY. He impatiently waits five minutes before answering, erasing every word and typing others instead. Probably ten times, he stopped counting.

**Works for me, does 9 o’clock at Maialino sounds okay? Good luck for your meeting.**

**Yes I love Maialino, see you there, and thank you, I’ll need it.**

Of course he knows he loves Maialino. That’s why he picked it. And now how the hell will he wait until tonight? Probably entertaining himself with the war between his heart and brain again. That’s going to be fun, anxiously and stressfully fun. As fun as trying to slash his own throat with a spoon.

He doesn’t know how but 9 o’clock came pretty fast. Maybe spending four hours in the bathroom helped a little, maybe the two hours trying to find the right outfit helped too. He’s surprised it only took two hours though. He suddenly prays for Chris to wear one of his Henleys. Please be a white one.

When he arrives, Chris is already there. He gets up on his feet when he sees him, and gives him a quick hug as a hello. He’s overwhelmed by it, more than he thought he would be. His smell, his touch, his voice, his body pressed against his. He missed that, he missed that dearly.

He sits across from him, and he takes time to analyze his face. His eyebrows, his eyes, those long eyelashes, his cute nose, his pink lips. The beard, he grew his beard, and it looks so good on him. He can’t tell where the beard starts and where the hair stops. His hair, he missed it too, burying his face in it, playing with it with his fingers, the smell of his shampoo.

He shouldn’t have thought about fingers. It’s hard to keep a straight face and to maintain a normal conversation when all he can think of is Chris’ fingers all over his body, in his body. Giving him so much pleasure he’s begging for more. Begging for his cock. Damn, and now he is hard.

He does his best to participate in the conversation, asking Chris about his movie, his first steps as a director. He could listen to him talk for hours, especially when he has stars in his eyes, when he’s passionate, like right now. He could also listen to him moaning for hours. “Stop!” says his brain “Fuck you. I think about what I want,” replies his penis.

He doesn’t notice how the time flies and how they’re now paying the bill. Soon they’re walking on the streets without agreeing where to go first. They end up near Seb’s building, and he asks Chris if he want to grab a last drink. Thank god, he says yes. He doesn’t want the night to end. Doesn’t want to leave him.

They’re sitting on his couch, drinking beer, talking about life, laughing about nothing. They act like there’s nothing between them, no love whatsoever, just friendship. Two old friends catching up. As if they never gave each other orgasms. Like they never kissed, blew, sucked, fucked each other.

But it doesn’t feel strange somehow, it feels great. They’re probably never going to be boyfriends but at least they are good friends. And it’s already nice to be Captain America’s friend. It’s also nice to be that close to him.

Suddenly they’re not talking anymore. They’re looking at each other, but after few seconds it’s more staring than simply looking. He would give anything to hear Chris’ thoughts, is he regretting being here? Is he wondering if he should leave? Does this feel as awkward to Chris as it feels to him?

He’s screwing up the night, he can see it. Speak, Seb, speak. Say something. Why is that stupid brain not working when he needs it. “Because it doesn’t have any blood left to react.” Right, he’s hard again. Chris’s gaze always has this effect on him. The man could just look at him and he would give him anything he wants: His body, his dignity, his life, his heart, anything. The world if that’s what he wants, he doesn’t even have to ask, he can just take it.

And he does.

Chris’ lips are pressed against his, his hands are grabbing his cheeks. He can’t think, can’t see so he closes his eyes, can’t breathe so he just holds on to Chris’ breathing. He doesn’t remember losing his shirt, but he does remember now how it feels to have Chris’s hands on his chest, his lips on his nipples. He remembers the neck kisses, his soft lips against his ear. Just hearing Chris’ breathing so close makes him lose his mind.

They end up lying naked on his couch. He doesn’t know how, doesn’t need to. Chris is on top of him, and he had wrapped his legs around his waist. Their hands are tied next to his head. Their bodies closer than ever. Kisses are passionate, and for a second he wonders if Chris missed him. Only for a second though, because he sure did miss him, missed Chris being in him too. Yeah, that feeling of being his, of abandoning every bit of control completely because he trusts him to be in charge. That feeling is the greatest he ever experienced.

He’s moving faster and harder every time, but he’s gentle at the same time. He cares about him, doesn’t want to hurt him. It’s loving, and tender, but it’s tough and raw, it’s been so long. He doesn’t control himself as much as he wished. A tear rolls down Sebastian’s red cheek, his vision blurs. He can’t contain his moans, and every sound coming from his mouth seems to drives Chris a little more crazy.

It’s contagious, Chris can’t hold back his groans either. His right hand is grabbing Seb’s hip, making it follow his swinging rhythm, while his left hand is lost in Seb’s hair.

He opens his eyes a minute and they stare at each other. They’re saying so much only by that look. They’re all sweaty, tired, shagged. It’s hard to breathe for both of them. Chris slows down his movements, takes time to kiss every part of flesh he can reach.

They’re switching position, it’s so natural, it seems so usual, and yet it’s not so much. Sebastian is now on top of Chris, sitting both legs around his torso, and he’s in charge. As much as he can be at least, because Chris is still helping. He’s so far gone, so lost in his pleasure that he is barely moving by himself anymore. Chris’s hands are on his hips again, giving them movements, and Sebastian is stroking his forearms, encouraging him, because god help him he’s about to come. He buries his head in his lover’s neck, hands in his hair, that’s how reaches cloud nine. It’s a loud delectable noise he makes in Chris’ ear, he has to bite his lower lip hard, hell he missed this so much.

It’s stronger and more rapid now, the grip on his hips gets tighter, and the only sound you can hear in the room is the sound of their thighs meeting. Chris’ mouth opens up and the sound that comes out feels like home to Sebastian. He doesn’t care about the bruises he’s going to have, and the hickeys they both probably already have. All he cares about is that moment.

They stay like this for a while, they don’t talk, they don’t move. They just stare, they just kiss. It’s all cuddles and hugs. It’s cute and kind, it’s loving. It’s like that night at the Captain America premiere.

They’re all alone, it’s only them and the rest of the world is asleep. But even now his brain and his heart doesn’t seem do make peace. “It’s just another night” says the brain, “It’s a great, beautiful one,” declares his heart.

But this night he choose to throw himself in the lion’s cage and to be brave.

“I love you” He whispers quietly.

Chris eyes fix on him, one of his hand playing with his hair, he doesn’tsay a thing for a moment, just looks at him.

He feels dumb, his brain was right. He should have listened to it, but he’s glad he didn’t.

“I love you.” He finally hears back. “I needed a moment to realize and be sure I really heard what you said. And I love you too.”

Now isn’t the right time to have an attack, he wants to order his heart, which has started beating so fast it’s probably going to drop out of his chest. Wouldn’t be that charming, and would probably ruin that moment.

“Are we a thing?” Chris continues. “‘Cause I really want us to be a real thing… I missed you…” His fingers are now seductively tracing a way between Sebastian’s jaw line and his lips.

“We can be anything you want.” Sebastian smiles “As long as I am with you.”

It’s not going to be like the night of the Premiere anymore or like before, now it’s real. Now they’re real. It’s not in his head, it’s not only sex, it’s feelings too. It’s love and it doesn’t feel wrong at all.


End file.
